Where The Heart Is

Hi!

I know it has been way tooooo long! I just got back from Somotillo Nicaragua last Saturday night. It was amazing! Since it has been so long since I have made a post I thought what better thing to write about other than my trip! :)

 My heart is torn. My whole thing of walking without shoes has an entire different meaning now. I knew there were people in the world who didn't have shoes but WOW! Nicaragua is the second poorest country beside Haiti being the first. All that "poorness" aside though they are one of the richest countries I have ever seen with LOVE! They stole my heart! Now that I am back I feel like a piece of me is missing. I also felt a piece of me missing while I was there since my boys were home. The funny thing is that no matter where I am I guess I will always have a sense of brokenness in my heart. My father always used to say to me "Megan! Never give your whole heart away" I am finding that more and more hard to do the older I get. I have bits and pieces of my heart in many different places but the one thing that makes it feel whole is to know that God has placed these places and people in my life for a reason and that my heart has become a puzzle for a reason. I guess my whole puzzle piece of a heart can be placed back together again when I get to Heaven. :) Seeing the whole picture one day will be one amazing site!

While I was in Nicaragua it was so refreshing to not have to ever think of all the judgmental things that people always talk about here. My past and just being a creature of habit tried to bring all that negativity with me but I was quickly taught that its not like that there. Or at least what I experienced wasn't. We looked different from each other and even spoke a different language but we both still felt the language of love and music. I did learn a few words in Spanish and some of them knew a little bit of English.  Enough to get me by to; one be able to communicate that "Jesus is the light" (Jesús es la luz) to the people in the villages, and two; to  be able to haggle with the shop keepers at the airport after all our interpreters had left us.

While I was struggling to handle holding the glow in the dark tattoos I brought them and the water and cloth to put them on their arms at the same time a young lady said no words. She just saw my need and began to help me. She would pour the water on the cloth when I needed it and would open the tattoo packages when I needed it as well. She waited patiently while all the other children got one and then it was time to go. Since she showed me such kindness I couldn't leave without giving her one so while we were praying I quickly gave her one! (sshh! Don't tell anyone I wasn't paying attention to the prayer that one time!)

At another village called "Ojoche" I got to sing during a Sunday afternoon church service. I was very nervous and just knew it was going to go terribly. I was so wrong! They liked my song just as much as I loved theirs. There were some boys that were clapping along to all the songs that were played that day and they were reallly getting into it! I loved knowing that even though we couldn't understand each others words we could understand the wonderful feeling that music has to offer us.

As the week went on I began to get very sad. I didn't want to leave these beautiful people behind. We had so much to offer each other. At one point on the van going back to Managua we stopped to let one of our translators out so he could catch another bus back to his home town. I didn't realize we were saying goodbye to him before we got back to the city. Since I was already sad in the first place when he got out of the van I just broke down. His name was Roger and he is a wonderful guy! So willing to help whenever and wherever needed. He always made sure we were all together keeping a head count on us. Making sure we didn't forget anything and just truly a nice guy! I enjoyed getting to know him in the little bit of time I did even if wasn't his whole life story I learned enough about him to know I gained a friend. All the interpreters were AMAZING people! I came to love them all and can not wait to see them again next year!

 I hated leaving but was VERY happy to give my boys a HUGE hug! Now that I am back in the states I can't wait to go back to Nicaragua and give them a HUGE hug! I guess this will be a beautiful never ending circle of life, love, and compassion. I have only just begun to tell you about my trip but there is just no way to get it all out in one go so  till next time I leave you with a few of my favorite pics from the trip. Hope you enjoy!

PEACE!

No shoes for my Birthday

Today, the day after my birthday I am going to share with you something I normally would not share with anyone. In the past I would just keep it to myself. Well not today. :) Yesterday I woke up in a good mood of course because of what day it was but my mood quickly turned from there. I became sad and my feelings got hurt. My son's didn't tell me Happy Birthday (which told me that my husband must not have reminded them) and my husband took well until I was just about to walk out the door to mention it and when my son's finally did figure out it was my birthday my youngest said "well fine then NOT happy birthday to you" because I wouldn't let him go outside and play when it was time to be getting ready and eating breakfast. Needless to say I suddenly became bummed out. Feeling down on myself I set out to work saying a prayer that my day would turn around. It took getting through the day to realize how crucial it is to pay attention to your emotions because they are actually indicators not dictators. Indicators on how you feel so you can sort through them and feel better NOT to dictate how the rest of your day will go. In the past I would dwell on the emotions I felt that morning allll day long. Not now! I started to realize this when some people very dear to me gave me a mug for my birthday. The mug had a saying on it that said: "this is my wish for you: comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, hugs when spirits sag, sunsets to warm your heart, friendships to brighten your being, beauty for your eyes to see, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, patience to accept the truth, courage to know yourself, and love to complete your life." I immediately felt an array of emotions.  I felt Disappointment in myself on how I had felt about my loved ones actions that morning, Love for having such amazing people in my life, and I felt determination that I would learn from my morning by realizing that if I could just remind myself daily that the wish this person had for me is the same wish I have for my family and others that I may not have reacted the way I did over their actions. If I could apply those wishes to my own life and wish them for myself then I could change the way my feelings make me behave. I miss judged my family that morning. I miss judged that my husband forgot my birthday when in reality he was still waking up and in the bed when I left and my children, well I remind them lots of things daily and they still forget. My youngest was only doing the same thing I was doing and letting his emotion dictate instead of indicate. (I learned that I must work on that with my children) I let my emotions dictate how the rest of my day would go instead of letting them be an indicator on how I needed to change myself for the better. It took one simple special gift to teach me a huge lesson that I thought I already knew. I knew how I felt about my family and my wishes for them but I needed to exercise it and my internal problems hindered me from that. I realized for the first time in my life that I had not been walking bare foot with my family. I have been trying my hardest to do this with the rest of the world not realizing that I was leaving some very special people out on my mission. I vowed to myself that I would no longer exclude them on my journey to walk barefoot.

Yesterday ended up being a awesome day! Although I received lots of love and gifts from a lot of rockin people that I love dearly the biggest and best gift I received on my birthday was from myself and it was yet another grand lesson on walking barefoot.

So its been a while....

Hi guys! It has been a while since I've been able to get on here and post something but guess what? When you start a journey and pray about it God sure does take you straight on thru it! Walking with out shoes has been one of the hardest most eye opening experiences I've ever challenged myself to do! Oh I have had LOTS of things I have wanted to just get on here immediately and vent about but I knew that if I did that my raw emotions may be poured out when it might not have been what I was truly feeling. OR I knew it was wrong to feel that way and I wanted to stay true to my journey SO, I hope you understand my prolonged absence. BUT, I'mmmm baacckk! haha :) Since I have written last my life has taken some twists and turns and mostly for the good. New beginnings are ahead and I've had lots of firsts in my life this past year (including this blog) and many new ones to come.   I have lived and learned a lot of life's lessons including but not limited to; who your real friends are, why you should and/or should not do something important to you, handle your self in a raw and ugly position, be nice even when you don't want to, stand up for myself, be a better mom and wife, never give up, forgive, and finally let go.. Those were just to name a few lol :) Anyhow, all of those things came with a tough situation and tough decisions all in which I am happy with my choices. Every single choice changed myself, my family, my friends, and our everyday life. I had to ponder, pray, and be sure that I would not regret any choice I made which includes the judgements I felt I was doing on others and how others would judge me. I realized though in the midst of all of it that non of it mattered. What mattered was that I stayed true to my beliefs while respecting myself and all of those around me. As long as I got those two things in the bag all my decisions would turn out okay. God has our back and he is our ultimate judge. I have noticed that while the journey to live without shoes is hard and will stay hard it also seems easier. The decision to be this way is hard and takes a lot of mental work but life allllll around you seems to get easier after you make the choice to be considerate and not let hate live in your heart. It's funny how things can be two opposite things at once but they can be! I never thought it possible but then there is something else I learned! IT'S POSSIBLE!!! What's possible you ask? ANYTHING! Healing, Miracles, Love, a better world! It's all possible if you just believe and do your part! You can change the world around you with one small step at a time! Which leads me to share some good news on where my bare feet are taking me. In October I will be heading off to Nicaragua on a mission trip! I am wayyyyy excited! I can not wait to see what this trip has in store for not only me but those who are going with me and specially those who we will be helping when we get there. This trip is a big deal for me! For those of you who know me know I've only been as far as the car I was in could take me which is far south as Florida, as far north as New Jersey, as far west as GA/TN and as far east as well here good ol VA. I've never been on a plane and here my first flight will be to a third world country. How's that for gettin her done? Anyway, I think I have bore you enough with my writings but I hope to be keeping up with my journey a little better than I have been and I hope you will still walk without shoes with me one day at a time and PLEASE if you haven't before let me know your experiences. I would love to hear them!

<3 Megan

The Kind of Judgement No One Cares About

So I thought I would take a break from all of the deep stuff I've been writing. (I need a break! The harder I try the heavier my heart feels.)  I did realize something new about myself though. I was looking up pictures from The Hunger Games movie. (I am almost finished with the 3rd book) A thought crossed my mind. "From now on Megan if you say a book looks stupid you should read it anyway!"

I said this to myself because every time I think a book looks stupid or I think I wouldn't like it and resist from reading it I get told a million times about how good it is and I ignore the people who tell me to read it. Then one day (after they have either made a movie about it or the sensation has grown cold) I finally read it and guess what.. yup! I LOVE IT! So I figure THIS right here is where the statement "never judge a book by its cover" came from! (yup, I got some blonde in me!) I always thought it was something some teacher or parent made up to help us to learn not to under estimate, judge, or pick on people. Which of course it is used for that as well but I never realized how literal I should take it!

It all began with the Twilight series. ( I know, I know, gimme a break will ya? lol ) It came out and I thought to myself oh geez oh stupid! I hate vampire stuff. I have never liked it so why would I like this book? How can a vampire story be a love story? No one could EVER love a vampire! I was told by a friend just give it a try and if you don't like it then just give it back. So I finally said alright. I started to read the book and to my amazement I absolutely loved it! I finished all the books in a matter of 2 weeks! Stephanie Meyer definitely put her heart and imagination in that book! So anyway, I saw the movies and of course it didn't do the books justice. Although I liked them too.

Then the Hunger Games came along. I didn't really hear much about it except a few people has said it was good. Then the movie previews came out and I thought to myself WOW what a horrible plot! How sad! Then more people kept saying how good it was and that I should read it. So I thought back to Twilight and told my self I would give it a try. Guess what? I can't help but love the crazy story of how life could be like if PEACE left this world! The book reiterates my feelings of how we should be treating each other! And how I should have treated these books lol. :) I have not seen the movie yet and I'm preparing my self to be disappointed as the movies are never as good as your own imagination. From now on though I'm not going to pass off a book that I think I will not like. Instead I am going to embrace it in my favorite reading spot. Curled up in my bed WITHOUT ANY SHOES ON! <3

Warning! Explicit lyrics to peaceful thoughts.

I have been struggling on what to write next. I have had many instances that I could write about but nothing sounded good to me once typed out. My mind has been all over the place lately. Prioritizing, and organizing every aspect of my life. I guess that has gotten in the way of my Blog lol :).   So then a thought came to mind. Why don't I just share two things with you that I have already written. Two poems that are dear to my heart. Some of you have already read them but here I will share with you my feelings about them and how I came to write them. So here goes the first one.....

Surrender

What wonder what wonder
We see all this thunder
Judgement and hatred
Make us go under

Fuck you, says who
Yea you, that dude
Don't you know?
You should have known better
There you go again judging another

But when judging one judging
Arent we doing it too?
Having the last word
Makes you the fool

Peace is speechless
No words worthy to describe it
So lets all be like peace
and just be quiet

How do you hear peace anyway?
In your head, in your heart, and actions today?
We should feel it with meaning and harmony.
Bleeding hearts with peace seem strong to me

Hates a strong word but peace is stronger
And if that weren't true
We wouldn't be here any longer

Riddle me that you hatred lovers
We don't care if you look down on us
Ive explained everything in my words before
I hope it shakes your mind and rocks you to the core!




Now That you have read it I'll tell you why it came out of me for you to see. At this point in my life I was tired of no one getting along and always arguing! I was feeling low, sad, mad, and determined! Knowing that I things could be better if we could just HEAR each other.. and because of that this came out.. :) Through all of this I did something and things got better which led me to the second one...


I Believe in Sunshine

I believe in sunshine
I believe in rain
I believe that praying
is what will ease the pain
Imagine if we couldn't
or prayer didn't exist,
What would we do?
How many would be slain?
Instead of crying "help me God"
We'd have no words to scream!
I believe in sunshine
I believe in rain
I believe that praying
is saying thanks for our grateful gain
Imagine if we couldn't
or prayer didn't exist
We'd have no one to thank
For this humble abyss!
I believe that praying
is something you don't want to miss!

So.... Now that you have read both. Peace, Prayer, Love, Happiness, all of these are what I'm trying to accomplish in my life and with this blog! I have never been really that open about things that are dear to me things that I cherish but we all should be! I hope that my boldness in stepping out will encourage you all. In whatever way that may be. Have a wonderful day!!!!!

PS: the picture at the top features " I Believe in Sunshine " It was made by one of the people who inspire me most in life! My Aunt Kristen! :) I love her very much! You would too if you knew her! She is also one who tries to "walk without shoes" Check her creations out here: Peaceful Treasures

When you are the judged... To care or not to care and how do you move on from there?

Hello again my fellow bare feet peeps! I must admit since my last blog I have had more struggles than I thought I could handle. I have been put in situations where I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die, but did I? NO! I've done that before and it never works. Which brings me to talk about what happened when its me (or almost me) as the person being judged. I normally try not to dwell on the past but it intertwines with more recent events so just bare with me. :)

 Now for those of you who know me, know I usually don't care what people think of me. You know I've always said I'm not here on this earth to impress anyone but the big man. I'm here to be me! But I recently found out something new about myself. I'm the biggest momma bear this world has ever seen! I can become the worst of me when it comes to protecting my kids. Of course I have always thought that I would be there to protect my babies and stand up for them if I have to but until a little while back I had never been in a situation to have to actually do that. Saying I was put the test is a understatement but lets just go with that.

So I was put to the test! (In more ways than one! It must have been an exam!) I was put in a situation where I had to make a important decision fast. Turns out I made the wrong one and because of that my child was judged poorly! Things were said about them that the person didn't have a right to say. They read his book by the cover, if you understand what I'm saying. Gave him one chance, one day, just to give him a label no one deserves or wants to have. Every part of me wanted to lash out and scream and tell them how wrong they were but I didn't do it. What did I do? I apologized to them. I cried, and cried,... and cried,... and cried. I suddenly cared what someone else thought! Not of me but of what they thought of my son! I wanted to protect him! But I realized that I was the only one being effected by what the person had said. My son didn't hear the remarks and he never will! So I made myself get over it. The next day I had to face this person for what I thought would be the last time. I sucked up every bit of pride I had and did what I had to do thinking this would be the last time I would ever have to deal with or think about the situation again. Boy was I wrong!

My son and I began a new journey. Going to an event happy and excited to be experiencing "a first" with him I suddenly got stopped in my tracks. Someone else was there also happy and excited to be sharing "a first" with their loved one. Suddenly I started to feel all the same emotions from the past well up inside me. I wanted to run! I said a prayer and made myself stay and forget about the past. Running away wasn't going to solve or prove anything except that I'm a coward to face my fears. The fear of my son getting hurt! Which in reality was the fear of hearing bad comments or opinions about my son. (me getting hurt) Instead of hiding from it I told myself that this was a new day, a new experience! And maybe, just maybe I made a mistake in miss judging that person to think that we could never be okay again. I really didn't know them and they really didn't know me but what I do know is that we were both set on the same path for a while and hopefully we might learn something. To grow in our ability to accept others. Whether it is the ability to accept people for who they really are and not for what you thought they were or the ability to accept people for the mistakes they made and move on. After all, we are all on the same road of life.

My struggles did not end there. There is a lot more to come! I just didn't want you guys reading a chapter book in one post!  So until next time don't be afraid of getting those bare feet dirty! Just don't forget to clean them up! <3

Post a blog already! Geeez!

I know I know! As you all know life catches up with ya and its all you can do to keep up! In all that catching up though I have noticed myself stopping and taking a look around. Breathing, and telling myself that its okay if I just don't get that blog done today, or its okay if I go to bed with dirty dishes. Life is life, its not going to stop and be on pause so I can get something done. So instead of worrying if I'm getting everything done or not I'm just going to live my life. Day to day, minute by minute. Soak it in, the good and the bad. Maybe my new en devour is working eh? Idk.... lets find out.

Okay so back to this judging thing. In these past days when I was slacking on writing my blog instead of going bare foot I had my knee high boots strapped on! Which brings me to my question. What in the world do you do if your judgements were right!? Then I thought judgements are sort of like opinions and sometimes it could just be intuition. How do you decipher the differences? And then I thought to myself "Well everyone has judged, has opinions, and has intuition so what if its not that we have or do all of these. What if its really about what we have done and will do with them?" I think judging gets such a bad rep because everyone is always using it so negatively! Then I thought hmmm have I ever read the definition of "Judgement"? So I looked it up and this is what it said: "the ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, especially in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion" and then this one: "the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind."


I specially like the first one. I like it because it tells us how wrongly we use our ability to judge. In all our ignorance and glory we provide our opinions about the slightest of things everyday. Hardly do we ever stop to think have I researched this, do I know the back story, and what is it that I am not seeing about this before we open our big huge mouths. 

Okay okay, I sort of got off track here. I asked "what do you do when your judgements were right?" I really don't have the answer to this except I think we should act out the first definition of judgment up there. Form a opinion WISELY with good sense and discretion.  I think this should help weed out all of the negative, worthless, and mean judgements people tend to make. This has helped me cope with my harsh feelings on myself for having such a peaceful nature but yet still judging others. If I just do what I set out to do and walk bare foot, whisper to myself "no shoes", not just think before I speak but REALLY think, then I believe I can  use the ability to judge with respect and still walk in this journey of life with others. Others who I may not; agree with, love, know, work with, or talk to. I may not be able to stop my self from the actual act of judging but I can make myself aware that I don't know their story, I don't know all the facts and I sure as the world don't know enough about the situation to give my opinion and if I do, well then I can then remind myself to judge wisely with good sense and discretion. This is where the whole "Love with Feet" thing can come into play. If it is a situation that needs help of some sort then instead of just stating my opinion I can act on it and maybe try and help someone, brighten their day, or just be the tiny little something that would give that person the umph to keep going and be okay.  OR do what is necessary in a horrible and bad situation.


So with all this being said I wanted to just say that I have been blessed with lots of folks in my life who live their life the way I am trying to get others to do by writing this blog. I have learned so much from them and I love each of them dearly! With peace and love and walking bare foot I'll see ya next time.. 


PS: Have I ever mentioned that I LOVE shoes?!

Day 3. Things aren't always what they seem.

Good Morning Everyone!

I fell asleep watching a movie with my husband so I didn't get to post my blog last night. Anyway, yesterday (day 3) was well, educational. I had someone ask me yesterday after they read my blog if I was struggling with judging people. My first answer was "no not really" but then I quickly said wait, yes! Yes, I do. If I would have kept with my first answer I would have been a lying! In the past I thought I did great at not judging others. I always thought that I was nice and always gave people the benefit of the doubt. Which I still am and do those things but as I moved one day forward in my journey of walking with no shoes I only realized greater how much I actually do have thoughts about others. I think because I have started this journey it has awakened me to things that I was not aware about myself before. It is so hard to not think about what I would do in a situation instead of what someone else has done. I think what is important though is that boundaries are made and you realize what you have thought or done and recognize that it was not really the right thing to say, do, or think. Imagine how bad it would be if no one ever realized what they were doing. I think that is the problem with judging! I also think that there are different degrees of it. Now this doesn't mean that one type is "better to do" than the other per say but I just think there are different ways you can judge. I'll give you an example of what I mean by this. If I see a chick walking down the street with pink hair with tattoos and piercings all over her I don't give it a thought where as others may think "oh there goes trouble" Now I'm pretty good at not judging people in that way except the fact that I might think to myself "dang I love her hair, wish I had the balls to pull that off" which can still be argument-ed as a judgement. I have realized that the judgement I am horrible about is giving my un asked for opinion of what I would do if I were in someone else's shoes.  When I figured this out, I found it VERY Ironic they way I chose to start this blog and that I chose to do this blog on the topic I did. I have been on my journey of awakening for probably about the past year or so now and I believe very much that once you are on that journey you subconsciously do, say, and think things that you are supposed to be working on in your life without even realizing it.  Now back to my conversation with the person above that asked me if I was having trouble judging people. We went on to talk about this very subject. They shared with me that they once had an experience that they had realized that what they thought about a few people were the total opposite once they met those people. I think it is ironic that I had this conversation with them because something happened to me later on that evening when I went to church. Now last week or so I was talking to another friend from church. We were talking about someone we knew mutually and how she was trying to get her to come to church. I'm not sure whether I said this out loud or thought it but I said " She will never come to church". Well guess what. I walk in last night at church and guess who was there! The person I thought would never come! I judged her wrongly! Hmmm. I just had a thought, Church! Now there is a huge topic to cover on judging! And guess what our sermon talked a little bit about last night... You guessed it! :) I am being hit over the head with this thing left and right. I bet a lot of you who know me didn't realize I even went to church. Well I do and I am happy with the one I go to. Why you ask? Because they are the only church I have been to that realizes and shares with people that we should "Love with Feet". (meaning get up and do something to help) No matter who you are, no judgements, just love with feet! :) Interesting how they just came out with this slogan around the same time that I had the thought for us all to take off our shoes and walk together! I think I will leave you with this.. In these past few months even though I still judge like crazy, I have realized that I want to speak out about everyone "getting along" helping each other out, loving each other, no matter who you are, what you do, what you look like, who you love, I want to Take off my shoes and Love with Feet! I just hope that everyone else in this world wants to do the same.

Day 2. This is hard!

Wow! Someone didnt want me to post this thing today. After an hour of trying to get my nook keyboard to come up I am ready to share with you guys day 2. Today started out good. I actually had a conversation with a man getting my coffee at the store on my way to work that in the past I probably never would have. I always have felt funny talking to strange men in public. I would always just say the polite hi and be on my way but today I stepped out of my comfort zone. We only talked about the coffe, snow and my car but hey I finally gave myself a chance to realize that strange men in public really arent always strange. Another thing I did without thinking today was helped out a person in need without even meeting or knowing them. Now I will not get into specifics and actually some of you will know what I am talking about only because you were involved with it tonight but I immeadiately felt the need to say Id help. Others asked how we knew they needed it and if we were sure they did but at that moment in time I didnt care. I thought to myself "no shoes megan". It didnt matter if they truly needed it or not. I knew that this was a chance to make a difference even if it were a small one. As for the rest of the day in between the beginning and end there were lots of moments where I felt I could have done a lot better job walking barefoot. There were lots of moments where I felt like crawling in a hole because I knew that I just thought a bad judgement thought and knew it was wrong. But knowing it was wrong didnt stop me. The two things I did accomplish in doing good today doesnt even put a small dent in all the judgement I have cast today. The biggest thing today has opened my eyes to is that I judge people way more than I ever cared to realize before and this is going to be a lot harder than I thought! As I continue on this journey I hope I can still remember to keep whispering to my self the phrase " no shoes " and maybe after some time this will get easier. Until then though its still one selfless act one split second thought one moment one conversation one smile at a time that I will work on walking a day with out shoes.

The Beginning of "A Day Without Shoes"

Hello Everyone!

This is my first Blog ever! I decided to start one because I had a thought. Everyone knows and has said the saying "If I were in their shoes" or "Why don't you try walking a mile in my shoes". Well I thought to myself how about if we all just took our shoes off and quit the judgement!? I am making a promise to my self and God that I will live my life like that day by day and write about it here. Now I know I will have struggles with this. As much as I would like to think that this is going to be easy for me given how much I love peace I also know I am human and will make mistakes. I hope by writing here everyday that I will inspire more people to take the challenge to "take off their shoes" and start living life and treating others the way we all should and all walk along this road of life together! Please join me in my new journey you never know where it might take us! Till next time... PEACE!