I always seem to shy away from keeping this blog up. Life grabs hold of you and it doesn't let go. Even still I try to keep a sharp mind about me when it comes to walking without shoes. I have found though that if you walk without shoes, any shoes what so ever for too long of a period of time...you hurt your feet. Or in less metaphorical terms, your heart. I often wonder why it is that I was called to set out on this journey. At first I thought it was to help others, and of course it's always about helping others, but what I have come to realize is that it was also a lesson in how to take care of myself as well. Let me explain.
When I started this blog I was at a high point in my life. Things were looking up. I came up and out of a dark place in my life realizing that I had what it took to do what I could to give back to His people. My career was looking up, my relationship with God was turning out to be out of this world (ha! excuse me while I giggle at my unintentional pun), and I had a heart on fire for wanting others to feel the peace and joy that I had in my soul. I was finding things that I loved again and sharing them with people I loved in the very same moment! I was on a mission, staying busy, living life, giving all of me to humanity, wanting others to have what I had which was God's love. That is a GREAT and AWESOME thing to do and way to be but...
Once you walk for so long without shoes, giving all you can as you walk along in life, you eventually start to wear down. Your feet begin to have cracks in them. They begin to get dirty and dry. Shriveling up until you just can't walk anymore. My mistake is and was that I just kept going. Not paying any attention to what was happening to me. Not caring that it was me who was getting hurt. Not stopping to rest, cleanse, and mend the cracks. I'm realizing that I started out wanting to mend all others cracks, giving them rest, helping them cleanse. I never realized that if I did that for too long without caring for myself that I would end up just like them. Needing help too. Finding myself back in the dark place I came out of. Here's the kicker, I kept lying to myself saying that, "I didn't need the rest". That denying myself care was giving true love to others. "There are too many things to do." "I could do it!" "I had it handled." "I could keep going forever like this." I could bare what I had to to make sure that I was doing what needed to be done to love on people. But with every crack, every new day without rest or cleansing I became bitter. I became bruised, sad, hurt, and broken. Imagine walking every day with all of those feelings and still trying to give what you had. Are your really giving anything good? Or are you seeping your hurt onto others at that point?
My plan of action was never to hurt anyone. To always show that I cared but I ended up doing just the opposite of that after a certain point. Was I hurting strangers that I was giving to and helping? No. Did people in my church family seem to be hurting because I kept volunteering? No. It was myself and my closest loved ones that were being hurt. Seeing the ugly side of me with all the bruises and cracks. Lashing out in pain. That was never my intention. That's when I realized I had to take a step or two backward, put my shoes back on and re evaluate what I was trying to do and how I wanted to accomplish it. It was tough taking a look in the mirror and realizing that the good you wanted to spread was turning into bad because I didn't want to stop and take care of myself.
My point to this blog entry and of this entire blog was to share my story. My journey on how to walk in love. I'm hear to tell you that I've learned an enormous life lesson! Stop to rest. Stop to mend your wounds. Stop to wash off all the dirt that falls on you from putting yourself in positions to get down and dirty to love on others. Don't deny yourself the same love you want to give others. YOU (I) deserve it too! Now if that's not a message of love I'm not sure what is. Happy traveling without shoes my fellow servants of love and remember to wear them when you NEED to!
~Megs
